This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Will people have money when communism is built?”
We’re answering: “Some will, some will not.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Is it possible to build communism in America?”
We’re answering: “It's possible, but who will we buy grain from?”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“When the final phase of socialism, namely communism, is built, will there still be thefts and pilfering?”
We’re answering: “No, because everything will be already pilfered during socialism.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What is the most permanent feature of our socialist economy?”
We’re answering: “Temporary shortages.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?”
We’re answering: “In a capitalist society man exploits man, and in a socialist one, the other way around.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What is the difference between the capitalist and the socialist trade?”
We’re answering: “Capitalist trade means everything is to be sold. Socialist trade means everything is to be bought.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Is it possible to make ends meet on salary alone?”
We’re answering: “We don't know, we never tried.

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Is it true that American skyscrapers are the tallest in the world?”
We’re answering: “Yes, it's true, but on the other hand the Soviet-made transistors are the largest in the world.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What will be the results of the next elections?”
We’re answering: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results of the next elections from the office of the Central Committee of the USSR.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?”
We’re answering: “The English fairy tale start with ‘Once upon a time…’, and ours with ‘It will be soon…’

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Why did you not broadcast for such a long time?”
We’re answering: “We had to make some changes in our staff. The previous broadcaster, while reading an article that contained the words ‘Socialism is nothing as compared with communism,’ made a pause too long after the word ‘nothing.’

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon.” Then, what is a horizon?”
We’re answering: “Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Will the police still exist when communism is built?”
We’re answering: “Of course, not. By that time, all citizens will have learned how to arrest themselves.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What to do if a man you don't know takes a seat at your table in a pub and starts to sigh?”
We’re answering: “Immediately demand to stop the anti-Soviet propaganda.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Is it possible to build socialism in Switzerland?”
We’re answering: “It's possible, but why? Did Switzerland really do something wrong to you?”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What shall we do if suddenly we feel a desire to work?”
We’re answering: “Just rest for a while on a sofa. It will pass.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Why some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?”
We’re answering: “Because Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans don't help to get rid of the other.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What is the easiest way to explain the meaning of the word ‘communism’?”
We’re answering: “By means of fists.

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Why did the man who shot at a government limousine on the Red Square miss the target?”
We’re answering: “Because citizens who happened to be next to him tried to wrest the gun from him and shouted, ‘Let me shoot!’”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“Will there be the third world war?”
We’re answering: “No, but the struggle for peace will reach such degree that there will be no stone left intact on the earth.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us:
“What to do if vodka interferes with the job?”
We’re answering: “Get off the job.”

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